Ok, so I am officially a slacker. I started this blog with the intent to write everyday. I planned to chronicle my life through mommyhood and infertility. But look at me, I couldn't even bring myself to write during a time when I really should.
So from my last post you found out we were expecting baby #4 (2 live births and 1 mc). Although excited, fears were definitely running ramped. The nurse called after my second blood draws and said that the levels were going up, but the doctor wanted to re-run the tests in one week. That would have been Thursday, Nov 12th. Frustrated and worried, I had the blood work done and waited the 24 hours for the results. That night I dreamed that I woke up covered in blood and the feeling of loss started all of again. I woke up that Friday the 13th thankful it WAS just a dream. Mercifully, the nurse called me by 920 that morning to tell the levels looked great and that the doctor wanted to wait two weeks for me to come in for the first ultrasound. I put it on my calendar November 25th at 1020 am. According to my calculations, I would be 8 weeks 2 days along. PERFECT, I would be able to see the little heartbeat. I couldn't wait.
Saturday, November 14th- I woke up early due to some cramping and the urge to pee. I groggily shuffle to the bathroom, a quick wipe and... what's that???.. did I see red?... Let's try that again. Sure enough red. How can this be? I just got the thumbs up yesterday for crying out loud. Finding that the bleeding was not stopping anytime soon, I put on a pad and slowly walk to the kitchen.
As I'm fixing my coffee, my husband walks in, taking a break rustling the kids, and tried to get me to go back to bed. Quick explanation, we have decided to take turns getting up with the babies on the weekends. This way, it's fair and everyone gets one day to sleep in. Not surprisingly, Joshua has picked Sunday as his day to sleep in. Not only does he miss getting the kids ready for church, but he gets to lounge around while we're gone. I call it his "me time." Anywho, I brush him off, by the simple statement, "I'm bleeding." I see the disappointment in his eyes and I quickly look away.
We spend the rest of the day in silence. Thankfully, he called his mother to come take the babies for the afternoon so we can just sit there and not have to pretend that everything is great. Of course he asked if we should go to the hospital. In which I replied, what's the point? Really, there is nothing they can or will do to make it stop. I was perfectly fine. Devastated yes, but physically fine.
On Monday, I was able to get an appointment right away. The doctor came in and did an ultrasound. He said that he saw the gestational sac, but it was surrounded by blood and that he believed I was in the early stages of a miscarriage. My mother, who came with me, began to explain to the doctor that she had periods the entire 8 months she was pregnant with my sister and me. To which he replied that he has seen this numerous times and that it was his professional opinion that I was having a miscarriage. The plan was to take my blood that Monday, the 16th and then again on Wednesday the 18th. This should give us an accurate view of what my HCG levels are doing. Although my mother heard every word the doctor said, she still calls my father as we were walking out and says, "well we still have a baby." WTH!!!! I tried again to explain to my mother what's going on. She just stares at me uncomprehending. Thankfully, I was able to steal a few moments to walk away and call my DH to explain what happened.
That Tuesday, I woke up around 3 am in a puddle of blood. Thankfully, Josh was called away by SJ to sleep in the other room. After changing my underwear, pad, and sheets, I went back to the bathroom. I felt the urge to push and the next thing I know there was a large mass that landed on the toilet paper. It kinda looked like a heart. It was covered with blood and had long tendrils working its way around itself. I kind poked around at it, and I discovered a small almost clear fluid-filled sac. It was the size and shape of a Lima bean and it had a little red string attached to it. Panicked, I quickly flushed it. I now wonder it that was my little one. I didn't see anything in the sac, but I was too afraid to look much closer. I do feel bad, maybe I should have done something more. Maybe buried it in the backyard? I don't know.
Wednesday, Nov 18th roled around and I went to the doctor for blood work. I went back to work to inform my boss about my odd disappearances and erratic schedule. Of course the sympathy face that I remembered from 5 short months ago reappeared. Sigh.
Today, I got the dreaded call from the nurse. My heart already knew it, but it was still difficult to hear. My numbers went from 6000 something on Monday to 1400 something on Wednesday. This definitely indicates a miscarriage. After giving her sympathies, she tells me that I will need to come back on Monday for more blood work to make sure the levels keep falling. Words completely fail me. All I can think is, THIS SUCKS!!!
Sleep peaceful Bethany Joy.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
First Steps
Ok after the exciting news of receiving a BFP on a home pregnancy, I anxiously awaited Monday at 8 am to call my doctor's office. To my irritation, I had to leave a message for his nurse. About two hours later she called me back and said that she would put in the orders that day. I simply explained to my employer that I had to go do some blood work and off I went for the 45 minute drive to my doctor's office. Of course then came the agonizing 24 hours wait. I got the call this morning. The nurse said that the blood work indicates a VERY early pregnancy and that my doctor would like me to start some progesterone and repeat the test on Thursday. Unfortunately, memories from my miscarriage in June are beginning to haunt me. Every cramp scares me to death!
I'm praying that everything works out and that my levels are on this rise come Thursday. More to come...
I'm praying that everything works out and that my levels are on this rise come Thursday. More to come...
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Guess What???
So as always when me and Josh are trying I anxiously wait the two weeks after ovulation to take the pregnancy test. As I stated last blog, we are trying again after an early miscarriage. I left you with a question is cycle day 32 too early to test. Well, to answer that question, yes it is. That is for me anyway. Day 33 is also too early to test. However, day 34 was just right. It was Halloween morning and I woke up with horrible heartburn. I never get heartburn, unless I'm pregnant. I jumped out of bed and took the test. It seemed to take forever. After a few moments, I got that depressed feeling and I knew it was going to be negative. I was about to just throw it in the trash when it finally revealed PREGNANT. I tripled checked to make sure it was not just my eyes playing tricks on me. Sure enough a BFP!!!!
While still in the bathroom, I quickly tried to figure out a cool way to tell Josh. I had originally planned to line a few tests out on the bathroom counter and let him discover them as he went to brush his teeth. However, we were expecting company and at any minute and I knew I couldn't wait that long. I ran out the bathroom, test in hand, and called for Josh. He so happened to be just in the other room and walked over talking to me about the party. He saw the test and looked at me. "Really?" he asked. A huge smile stretched across both our faces.
The original joy was overshadowed by fear. One thing we definitely agreed on was that we will NOT tell any of our family or friends until AFTER the first trimester. According to my calculations, that will be around Christmas. Hmm, I wonder what would be a fun way to tell our folks??? Any suggestions?
Thanks for listening.
While still in the bathroom, I quickly tried to figure out a cool way to tell Josh. I had originally planned to line a few tests out on the bathroom counter and let him discover them as he went to brush his teeth. However, we were expecting company and at any minute and I knew I couldn't wait that long. I ran out the bathroom, test in hand, and called for Josh. He so happened to be just in the other room and walked over talking to me about the party. He saw the test and looked at me. "Really?" he asked. A huge smile stretched across both our faces.
The original joy was overshadowed by fear. One thing we definitely agreed on was that we will NOT tell any of our family or friends until AFTER the first trimester. According to my calculations, that will be around Christmas. Hmm, I wonder what would be a fun way to tell our folks??? Any suggestions?
Thanks for listening.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
What now?
So it is has now been nearly 5 months since my early-pregnancy miscarriage. I still get weepy when I see a pregnant woman or a sad movie. Please, for goodness sake, if you have suffered a miscarriage, do NOT go see the Time Traveler's Wife. I was so not prepared to watch that.
My Husband, Joshua, and I have discussed trying again. Of course, I can't seem to shake these feelings that I am being disrespectful to my angel baby's memory. My husband assures me I am just be overly-sensitive and that with time I will see things differently. I'm not sure. However, I am sure I would like more children. As I said previously, I've always wanted a large family.
My cycles have been crazy irregular since the miscarriage. On at least 3 cycles I've had to take progesterone to induce my cycle. Two weeks ago, I went for a doctor's visit. He sent me for blood work. Sure enough, my insulin levels were elevated. He put me back on the metaformin and prescribed birth control. The game plan is to first see if I will have a cycle for October. If not, start the pill the first weekend in October.
Well, it is now cycle day 31 and my ovecue monitor assures me I ovulated between cycle days 21 through 24. From my calculations I have a 40 day cycle, so those days seem about right. Now it's just a wait and see game. Hmmm..
I wonder if cycle day 32 is too early to test?
My Husband, Joshua, and I have discussed trying again. Of course, I can't seem to shake these feelings that I am being disrespectful to my angel baby's memory. My husband assures me I am just be overly-sensitive and that with time I will see things differently. I'm not sure. However, I am sure I would like more children. As I said previously, I've always wanted a large family.
My cycles have been crazy irregular since the miscarriage. On at least 3 cycles I've had to take progesterone to induce my cycle. Two weeks ago, I went for a doctor's visit. He sent me for blood work. Sure enough, my insulin levels were elevated. He put me back on the metaformin and prescribed birth control. The game plan is to first see if I will have a cycle for October. If not, start the pill the first weekend in October.
Well, it is now cycle day 31 and my ovecue monitor assures me I ovulated between cycle days 21 through 24. From my calculations I have a 40 day cycle, so those days seem about right. Now it's just a wait and see game. Hmmm..
I wonder if cycle day 32 is too early to test?
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Number 3
Ok, my last blog told you all about my little Princess. A few weeks after the delivery, I had surgery to remove my gallbladder. This was on April 10th. On April 11th, I started Fred (my monthly visitor). Lovely.
By May 28th, still no cycle. Hmm. Should I be concerned? I realize that after the birth of SJ, I did not have a cycle for 8 months. Why is this lack of a cycle bothering me so much? I just couldn't shake that something was off. So on May 31st, I took a pregnancy test. Sure enough, I was pregnant once again. How could this be? I was not supposed to be able to get pregnant that easily. Heck, my cycles were always so irregular. I almost always needed some help with ovulation inducing drugs. I told my husband and he was completely floored; although extremely excited.
Try as we may to keep the news under wraps, we were much too excited and told our family. Congrats all around. That Monday, I went to the doctor's office for blood work. Sure enough, I was pregnant. That Wednesday, I went for my first appointment. To my surprise, they said I would have an ultrasound to measure how far along I was. I cried when I saw that little heartbeat on the screen. Too bad, my husband couldn't get off of work to join in. I was told that my levels were a little low, and that they wanted me to start progesterone pills. I thought nothing of this as this was the case with my two previous pregnancies. I called my husband after the appointment and filled him in on their concerns and that I was able to see the little heartbeat. He felt bad for not being there, but promised he would make it there for the next appointment.
That Saturday, my husband went to his parent's house to help his father move some things. I was left with the two munchkins at home. While laying my two year old down for his nap, I felt a familiar gush between my legs. Hmmm. That can't be good.
As soon as I could, I rushed to bathroom to discover bright red blood. Oh no. Around that time, my husband comes strolling in. I let him know what's going on. Although concerned, he reassures me that this also happened with the other pregnancies and everything was going to be fine. I knew as soon as he said it, it wasn't true. Within the hour, I filled up two maxi-pads. I told my husband that we should head to the hospital. We called my mother to stay with the kids and we drove the 45 minutes to the hospital. Along the way, I began cramping horribly. I cried and cried for I knew what was happening. My husband felt completely helpless.
At the ER, I was greeted by two very understanding nurses who rushed me to the back. I was slightly relieved when I saw the doctor was a female. Usually, they are more understanding. She ordered an ultrasound and blood work. About an hour later, I was brought back for the ultrasound. Although the tech tried to block my view, I was able to peak around her shoulder. There was no baby, no heartbeat. I kept chanting to myself, don't panic, don't panic. Somehow this was going to work out, right?
About three hours later, the ER doctor walks in. She looks at me, and says, "I'm confused. I thought you said that you were pregnant." I reply, "Yes, I just had it confirmed on Monday and my first appointment with ultrasound on Wednesday." She looks at the chart again. "Well, there is no baby in your uterus and the blood work came back negative for pregnancy. I didn't order a urinalysis because you said you were pregnant. I don't understand." At this point, this doctor is looking at me like I have completely lost my mind. I try again to tell her that this is not my first rodeo, I have been pregnant before, and my doctor did confirm the pregnancy. The ultrasound said I was about 6-7 weeks along. Hell, I even saw the heartbeat, although faint, I saw it. I demanded she call my doctor. With a sigh, she agreed.
During the next two hours, I refuse to speak with anyone else. Finally, exhausted and feeling the strings of my composure slipping away. I tell my husband I want to go home and I check myself out of the ER. On the way home, I have my husband stop by the store and buy some pregnancy tests. When I get home, I take one and it says positive. I take another, positive. The next day, I took two more, both positive. On Monday, I call my doctor's office and demand an appointment. Thankfully, the nurse pushed me in. Before leaving, I walk into the bathroom to find the tests I took the day prior were blank. Funny, they usually stay positive for about two to three days. So, I take one last test before walking out the door. Negative.
The feeling of loss overcame me. I curled up in a ball on the floor. I had lost my baby. I was beginning to regret my insistence that my husband go to work instead of staying with me that morning. I couldn't call him, I couldn't speak. So, I texted him that I had lost our baby. Looking back, that may have been a little insensitive on my part. Thankfully, my husband understood and texted back that he loved me and that he would be home early.
As I waited for the doctor, I felt frustrated. I already knew what he was going to say. Hell, I read it for myself just a an hour earlier. His nurse came in and I explained the situation. She rushed me into the ultrasound room. The doctor came a short time later and began the scan. Sure enough nothing. He said it looked like everything was just breaking down and that I would not need a d&c. He told me that I would need to wait two cycles and then try again.
With that, this little life was gone. It was surprising how quickly I got attached to the little life. I feel who heartedly the baby was a boy. I knew exactly what the name would have been, Ethan Isiah. Now, I continue to face people who had heard through the grapevine of this small little town that I was expecting again. Why in the heck do people feel the need to spread around my good news, but feel that it's my responsibility to tell everyone the bad news. I can't stand that. I wanted to call every family member and ask that they provide me a list of everyone they told I was pregnant so that I know to avoid those people.
Is there anyone out there that has experienced this? Any ideas on how to handle it?
By May 28th, still no cycle. Hmm. Should I be concerned? I realize that after the birth of SJ, I did not have a cycle for 8 months. Why is this lack of a cycle bothering me so much? I just couldn't shake that something was off. So on May 31st, I took a pregnancy test. Sure enough, I was pregnant once again. How could this be? I was not supposed to be able to get pregnant that easily. Heck, my cycles were always so irregular. I almost always needed some help with ovulation inducing drugs. I told my husband and he was completely floored; although extremely excited.
Try as we may to keep the news under wraps, we were much too excited and told our family. Congrats all around. That Monday, I went to the doctor's office for blood work. Sure enough, I was pregnant. That Wednesday, I went for my first appointment. To my surprise, they said I would have an ultrasound to measure how far along I was. I cried when I saw that little heartbeat on the screen. Too bad, my husband couldn't get off of work to join in. I was told that my levels were a little low, and that they wanted me to start progesterone pills. I thought nothing of this as this was the case with my two previous pregnancies. I called my husband after the appointment and filled him in on their concerns and that I was able to see the little heartbeat. He felt bad for not being there, but promised he would make it there for the next appointment.
That Saturday, my husband went to his parent's house to help his father move some things. I was left with the two munchkins at home. While laying my two year old down for his nap, I felt a familiar gush between my legs. Hmmm. That can't be good.
As soon as I could, I rushed to bathroom to discover bright red blood. Oh no. Around that time, my husband comes strolling in. I let him know what's going on. Although concerned, he reassures me that this also happened with the other pregnancies and everything was going to be fine. I knew as soon as he said it, it wasn't true. Within the hour, I filled up two maxi-pads. I told my husband that we should head to the hospital. We called my mother to stay with the kids and we drove the 45 minutes to the hospital. Along the way, I began cramping horribly. I cried and cried for I knew what was happening. My husband felt completely helpless.
At the ER, I was greeted by two very understanding nurses who rushed me to the back. I was slightly relieved when I saw the doctor was a female. Usually, they are more understanding. She ordered an ultrasound and blood work. About an hour later, I was brought back for the ultrasound. Although the tech tried to block my view, I was able to peak around her shoulder. There was no baby, no heartbeat. I kept chanting to myself, don't panic, don't panic. Somehow this was going to work out, right?
About three hours later, the ER doctor walks in. She looks at me, and says, "I'm confused. I thought you said that you were pregnant." I reply, "Yes, I just had it confirmed on Monday and my first appointment with ultrasound on Wednesday." She looks at the chart again. "Well, there is no baby in your uterus and the blood work came back negative for pregnancy. I didn't order a urinalysis because you said you were pregnant. I don't understand." At this point, this doctor is looking at me like I have completely lost my mind. I try again to tell her that this is not my first rodeo, I have been pregnant before, and my doctor did confirm the pregnancy. The ultrasound said I was about 6-7 weeks along. Hell, I even saw the heartbeat, although faint, I saw it. I demanded she call my doctor. With a sigh, she agreed.
During the next two hours, I refuse to speak with anyone else. Finally, exhausted and feeling the strings of my composure slipping away. I tell my husband I want to go home and I check myself out of the ER. On the way home, I have my husband stop by the store and buy some pregnancy tests. When I get home, I take one and it says positive. I take another, positive. The next day, I took two more, both positive. On Monday, I call my doctor's office and demand an appointment. Thankfully, the nurse pushed me in. Before leaving, I walk into the bathroom to find the tests I took the day prior were blank. Funny, they usually stay positive for about two to three days. So, I take one last test before walking out the door. Negative.
The feeling of loss overcame me. I curled up in a ball on the floor. I had lost my baby. I was beginning to regret my insistence that my husband go to work instead of staying with me that morning. I couldn't call him, I couldn't speak. So, I texted him that I had lost our baby. Looking back, that may have been a little insensitive on my part. Thankfully, my husband understood and texted back that he loved me and that he would be home early.
As I waited for the doctor, I felt frustrated. I already knew what he was going to say. Hell, I read it for myself just a an hour earlier. His nurse came in and I explained the situation. She rushed me into the ultrasound room. The doctor came a short time later and began the scan. Sure enough nothing. He said it looked like everything was just breaking down and that I would not need a d&c. He told me that I would need to wait two cycles and then try again.
With that, this little life was gone. It was surprising how quickly I got attached to the little life. I feel who heartedly the baby was a boy. I knew exactly what the name would have been, Ethan Isiah. Now, I continue to face people who had heard through the grapevine of this small little town that I was expecting again. Why in the heck do people feel the need to spread around my good news, but feel that it's my responsibility to tell everyone the bad news. I can't stand that. I wanted to call every family member and ask that they provide me a list of everyone they told I was pregnant so that I know to avoid those people.
Is there anyone out there that has experienced this? Any ideas on how to handle it?
My Little Princess
Like my first pregnancy, pregnancy number two was very difficult. At 6 weeks I had a threatened miscarriage. At 20 weeks, I was admitted into the hospital for a gallstone attack. At 30 weeks (New Year's Eve), I was admitted with kidney stones. Jeez, with all these stones, I should have a large sparkling diamond by now, right? At 37 weeks, I was admitted with another gallstone attack and high blood pressure. After about 3 days in the hospital, my doctor decided it was best if we delivered the baby.
My little Princess, Alexis Faith, was born, February 20, 2009 at 345pm, weighing 7lbs 15oz. Surprisingly, SJ took to being a big brother straight away. He is very protective of his little sis. I sometimes call them Hansel and Gretal as they are already so close.
My husband and I at this point were completely satisfied. We had our boy and girl and we were set to enjoy our new family. However, this was not meant to be. A surprise was looming just around the corner.
My little Princess, Alexis Faith, was born, February 20, 2009 at 345pm, weighing 7lbs 15oz. Surprisingly, SJ took to being a big brother straight away. He is very protective of his little sis. I sometimes call them Hansel and Gretal as they are already so close.
My husband and I at this point were completely satisfied. We had our boy and girl and we were set to enjoy our new family. However, this was not meant to be. A surprise was looming just around the corner.
Trying for Number 2
I apologize for the extremely long blogs. But I promise, I almost have you completely up to date.
Beside from the initial 2 month bleed after having SJ, I did not have a cycle for the first 9 months of SJ's life. I really didn't mind this at the time. However, then my husband and I decided it was time to start trying for baby number two. Due to my PCOS, we definitely were not able to plan the exact time baby number two would come along.
I went back to my ob/gyn to discuss my options. Due to the fact that I was not cycling on my own, did not fair well for my goal. Therefore, I was again placed on pregestrone to induce ovulation and metaformin to control my insulin resistance. After a few months of getting regulated, I was put on clomid 200 mg. Six months of taking temps and opks resulted in no baby. Anyone who is trying for a baby and has been diagnosed with an issue such as PCOS, begins to become obessed with finding the latest and great tool out there to predict ovulation. I assume this is true, but maybe it's only me?
After a long night of web surfing, I came across an advertisement on the OveCue ovulation predictor. I read the specs and of course it sounded awesome. I quickly paid $500 for my new toy. It came complete with an oral monitor and a vaginal probe (99% accurate in confirming ovulation). Surprisingly, this monitor was pretty easy to program and use. Also, thankfully, I was able to get this puppy in a few days before my next cycle. (According to the directions, you must start using the oral montior on cycle day 2.)
In addition to my new toy, I also utilized askdramy.com. This is an awesome website and I highly recommend it for those ladies trying for a baby. Well, around day 21, the monitor AND the website indicated it was "Code RED" (a term of endearment my husband and I use for a required sex night). After a three days the vaginal probe confirmed ovulation. Thus began my two week excruciating wait.
On day 40, I began spotting and I just knew that I was not pregnant. In fact, I was looking forward to start my darn cycle already so that I can begin to use my new toy again. Day 42 nothing. Day 50, nothing. Hmmm. Maybe I should take a pregnancy test? Of course, most women trying to have a bambino, purchase the 5 pack box of pregnancy tests along with their monthly tampon purchase (completely confusing the cashier, but hey I know some of you may understand). On my lunch break, I rushed home and took a test. Sure enough, I was pregnant!!!
Maybe it's just me, but everytime I see one of those sticks actually say I'm pregnant, I give a little acceptance speech in the mirror while holding my pee stick in hand like it is a golden globe or something.
I would like first to thank the good Lord for this great honor. My husband, I love you so much honey. I would also like to thank Wal-Mart for stocking the 5 pack of pee sticks so that I can now take a test everyday until the doctor's office allows me to come in for bloodwork. I also thank the cashier for just ring-up my monthly purchase of tampons, chocolate, ice-cream, midol and pregnancy tests. Thanks for not judging me. Thanks to AskDrAmy.com and OveCue montior for telling me when to have sex. For without you, none of this would be possible. ***tear***
Does this make me crazy???
Beside from the initial 2 month bleed after having SJ, I did not have a cycle for the first 9 months of SJ's life. I really didn't mind this at the time. However, then my husband and I decided it was time to start trying for baby number two. Due to my PCOS, we definitely were not able to plan the exact time baby number two would come along.
I went back to my ob/gyn to discuss my options. Due to the fact that I was not cycling on my own, did not fair well for my goal. Therefore, I was again placed on pregestrone to induce ovulation and metaformin to control my insulin resistance. After a few months of getting regulated, I was put on clomid 200 mg. Six months of taking temps and opks resulted in no baby. Anyone who is trying for a baby and has been diagnosed with an issue such as PCOS, begins to become obessed with finding the latest and great tool out there to predict ovulation. I assume this is true, but maybe it's only me?
After a long night of web surfing, I came across an advertisement on the OveCue ovulation predictor. I read the specs and of course it sounded awesome. I quickly paid $500 for my new toy. It came complete with an oral monitor and a vaginal probe (99% accurate in confirming ovulation). Surprisingly, this monitor was pretty easy to program and use. Also, thankfully, I was able to get this puppy in a few days before my next cycle. (According to the directions, you must start using the oral montior on cycle day 2.)
In addition to my new toy, I also utilized askdramy.com. This is an awesome website and I highly recommend it for those ladies trying for a baby. Well, around day 21, the monitor AND the website indicated it was "Code RED" (a term of endearment my husband and I use for a required sex night). After a three days the vaginal probe confirmed ovulation. Thus began my two week excruciating wait.
On day 40, I began spotting and I just knew that I was not pregnant. In fact, I was looking forward to start my darn cycle already so that I can begin to use my new toy again. Day 42 nothing. Day 50, nothing. Hmmm. Maybe I should take a pregnancy test? Of course, most women trying to have a bambino, purchase the 5 pack box of pregnancy tests along with their monthly tampon purchase (completely confusing the cashier, but hey I know some of you may understand). On my lunch break, I rushed home and took a test. Sure enough, I was pregnant!!!
Maybe it's just me, but everytime I see one of those sticks actually say I'm pregnant, I give a little acceptance speech in the mirror while holding my pee stick in hand like it is a golden globe or something.
I would like first to thank the good Lord for this great honor. My husband, I love you so much honey. I would also like to thank Wal-Mart for stocking the 5 pack of pee sticks so that I can now take a test everyday until the doctor's office allows me to come in for bloodwork. I also thank the cashier for just ring-up my monthly purchase of tampons, chocolate, ice-cream, midol and pregnancy tests. Thanks for not judging me. Thanks to AskDrAmy.com and OveCue montior for telling me when to have sex. For without you, none of this would be possible. ***tear***
Does this make me crazy???
Little J
Ok, so after my son was born on April 27, 2007, I was in total bliss. I was learning how to be a mommy, a job I had wanted since I was a little girl. My husband was wonderful. We would take turns on who would get up with the boy each night. Yes, I was truly blessed.
Of course, I second guessed myself constantly. Should I switch his formula to help his constipation? Should I give him rice cereal to ease the spit ups after each feeding? Should I increase his feedings because he never seems quite satisfied? I went to our chosen pediatrician. I never seemed quite comfortable with this doctor, although he came highly recommended. I constantly felt judged. Maybe, it was just me be overly sensitive. The doctor said that I was feeding my baby too much. I was told that baby should only have one ounce of formula per hour and that I should be feeding him every 2 to 3 hours. Now, I understand this may be true for a newborn, but my son was now 3 months old. I was exhausted and needed him to start sleeping through the night. However, every time I explained this to the doctor, he would say that's what it took to be a good mother. Hmmmm.
Well, over the course of the next few weeks, I decided to go with my mother's intuition and I increased his feedings from 3 oz to 6 oz every 4-5 hours and a large 8 oz bottle at bedtime. To my relief, he began to sleep through the night and still remained in the normal range for weight. Now, each time I went to the doctor, I would just nod if he brought up the feeding issue.
Around 7 months, SJ began to pull on his ears and was extremely fussy. Back to doctor we went, who told us SJ had a double ear infection. After a round of antibiotics, his ears were clear 10 days later. However, just a week later, we were back in the office with another ear infection. This cycle continued for about 3 months.
On New Years Eve of 2007, SJ spiked a fever of a 104. We called the ER, since our doctor's office did not have a call line, who told us that we shouldn't bring him in unless his fever was 106. My husband and I proceeded to alternate Tylenol and Motrin every two hours and then we gave him a lukewarm bath to bring the fever down. This is how we brought in the new year. The next day we were able to reach our doctor who had us bring little J in for blood work. It turned out SJ's white blood count was extremely high (sorry can't remember the number). I was told that it was very likely my son had leukemia and that I needed to rush him to Children's Hospital to be admitted and evaluated. I called my husband in hysterics. Luckily, he was able to meet me on the way to the hospital. Thus began our long wait in the ER. Pretty much the ER doctor there said that yes SJ's blood work was substantially high, but thought it was due to an extremely bad ear infection. SJ was given an antibiotic shot and was sent home. The next day we were to see the partner of our regular doctor to get another shot. After another trip to Children's Hospital for a specialist appointment, it was recommended that I switch pediatricians.
After that, I did switch pediatricians. I now have a female doctor who really listens to my concerns and does not brush them off as some over-reaction. At 11 months old, SJ had tubes put in his ears to assist with the fluid build up. He was a completely different baby after that. Always happy and full of smiles. Around this time, my husband and I decided that it was time to try for baby number two.
Of course, I second guessed myself constantly. Should I switch his formula to help his constipation? Should I give him rice cereal to ease the spit ups after each feeding? Should I increase his feedings because he never seems quite satisfied? I went to our chosen pediatrician. I never seemed quite comfortable with this doctor, although he came highly recommended. I constantly felt judged. Maybe, it was just me be overly sensitive. The doctor said that I was feeding my baby too much. I was told that baby should only have one ounce of formula per hour and that I should be feeding him every 2 to 3 hours. Now, I understand this may be true for a newborn, but my son was now 3 months old. I was exhausted and needed him to start sleeping through the night. However, every time I explained this to the doctor, he would say that's what it took to be a good mother. Hmmmm.
Well, over the course of the next few weeks, I decided to go with my mother's intuition and I increased his feedings from 3 oz to 6 oz every 4-5 hours and a large 8 oz bottle at bedtime. To my relief, he began to sleep through the night and still remained in the normal range for weight. Now, each time I went to the doctor, I would just nod if he brought up the feeding issue.
Around 7 months, SJ began to pull on his ears and was extremely fussy. Back to doctor we went, who told us SJ had a double ear infection. After a round of antibiotics, his ears were clear 10 days later. However, just a week later, we were back in the office with another ear infection. This cycle continued for about 3 months.
On New Years Eve of 2007, SJ spiked a fever of a 104. We called the ER, since our doctor's office did not have a call line, who told us that we shouldn't bring him in unless his fever was 106. My husband and I proceeded to alternate Tylenol and Motrin every two hours and then we gave him a lukewarm bath to bring the fever down. This is how we brought in the new year. The next day we were able to reach our doctor who had us bring little J in for blood work. It turned out SJ's white blood count was extremely high (sorry can't remember the number). I was told that it was very likely my son had leukemia and that I needed to rush him to Children's Hospital to be admitted and evaluated. I called my husband in hysterics. Luckily, he was able to meet me on the way to the hospital. Thus began our long wait in the ER. Pretty much the ER doctor there said that yes SJ's blood work was substantially high, but thought it was due to an extremely bad ear infection. SJ was given an antibiotic shot and was sent home. The next day we were to see the partner of our regular doctor to get another shot. After another trip to Children's Hospital for a specialist appointment, it was recommended that I switch pediatricians.
After that, I did switch pediatricians. I now have a female doctor who really listens to my concerns and does not brush them off as some over-reaction. At 11 months old, SJ had tubes put in his ears to assist with the fluid build up. He was a completely different baby after that. Always happy and full of smiles. Around this time, my husband and I decided that it was time to try for baby number two.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
My Firstborn
As I discussed in my previous post, after battling PCOS, I was able to conceive my son without the aid of fertility medication. A true miracle.
Of course, my pregnancy was not without its troubles. At 8 weeks, I had what my doctor called a threatened miscarriage. I bled for 4 days straight. I just knew that I had lost my baby. However, by the grace of God we pulled through. My doctor started me on progesterone pills and complete bed rest the first and second trimester (every time I would get up, the bleeding would start again). I was completely miserable; however, my employer did allow me to work from home which was a great way to keep my mind off things. In addition, my husband was really awesome. He cooked every night, kept the house cleaned, and he even left me the credit card one day and said buy whatever we need. You can imagine that I had field day with that.
At about 27 weeks, my blood pressure began to climb. Due to a family history of pre-eclampsia, my doctor was concerned. I was monitored very closely. Thankfully, I was able to make it to 39 weeks. My doctor scheduled a c-section due to my blood pressure issues. My son, SJ, was born on April 27, 2007 weighing 8lbs 9oz. He was a spitting image of his father and perfect in every way.
Due to some lingering re-construction at our house, we had to bring the baby home to my mother's house. This actually worked out great. My mother was extremely helpful. I was able to get much needed rest. Unfortunately, due to my PCOS, the breastfeeding thing did not work out so great. As determined as I was, I never was able to produce enough to keep up with my little guy. About 3 days after being released from the hospital, my mother kept hounding me that my color wasn't right and that I was swelling. I of course blew her off. She was making a big deal out of nothing. During those few occasions I was able to look at myself in the mirror, I didn't see a problem. I was off on my first outing with my son. He need a quick visit to his pediatrician to check his weight gain. While at the doctor, my big-mouthed mother asked the pediatrician to look at my swollen ankles. He immediately got concerned and asked that I call my doctor right aways. Darn!!! I thought I was doing so well. My mother immediately calls my doctor when we get out to the car and explains what's going on and she was told to bring me to the hospital immediately. Then she proceeds to call my husband, who then rushes to the hospital to meet me.
*SIGH* After about an hour, I convince my mother to go home with the baby. After about four hours, I was able to slowly convince my husband that my mother was just over-reacting and that she explained it all wrong to my doctor (making it sound worse than it was). He reluctantly agreed and began walking me out the front door. About that time, the nurse calls be back. Darn, so close! Once they took my vitals, I was immediately put on oxygen and iv meds administered to reduce my blood pressure. Hmm, it must have been serious after all.
I was admitted into the hospital with pre-eclampsia. Isn't the cure for pre-eclampsia to deliver your baby? What are the odds that you can get this when you already had your baby? Apparently, I won that lottery. Around 4 am that morning, I woke my husband up to tell him that I couldn't breathe. He ignored me and said that I was probably just not used to having to sleep on my back. ***Thanks for your concern*** When the nurse came in a few moments later, I told her I felt like I couldn't breathe. She then took my pulse ox, which was extremely low given the fact that I was still on oxygen from that afternoon. This was not a good sign. Lights came on and my doctor was called. More tests revealed that fluid had began forming around my lungs. More Lascaux was prescribed. This went on for about 3 days before finally I was able to be released from the hospital.
You can't imagine how I felt seeing my little guy. I felt like he had grown so much those few days away from him. I vowed then and there that I would never leave him again. And if for some reason I may be put in the hospital again, someone would bring me my child.
Of course, my pregnancy was not without its troubles. At 8 weeks, I had what my doctor called a threatened miscarriage. I bled for 4 days straight. I just knew that I had lost my baby. However, by the grace of God we pulled through. My doctor started me on progesterone pills and complete bed rest the first and second trimester (every time I would get up, the bleeding would start again). I was completely miserable; however, my employer did allow me to work from home which was a great way to keep my mind off things. In addition, my husband was really awesome. He cooked every night, kept the house cleaned, and he even left me the credit card one day and said buy whatever we need. You can imagine that I had field day with that.
At about 27 weeks, my blood pressure began to climb. Due to a family history of pre-eclampsia, my doctor was concerned. I was monitored very closely. Thankfully, I was able to make it to 39 weeks. My doctor scheduled a c-section due to my blood pressure issues. My son, SJ, was born on April 27, 2007 weighing 8lbs 9oz. He was a spitting image of his father and perfect in every way.
Due to some lingering re-construction at our house, we had to bring the baby home to my mother's house. This actually worked out great. My mother was extremely helpful. I was able to get much needed rest. Unfortunately, due to my PCOS, the breastfeeding thing did not work out so great. As determined as I was, I never was able to produce enough to keep up with my little guy. About 3 days after being released from the hospital, my mother kept hounding me that my color wasn't right and that I was swelling. I of course blew her off. She was making a big deal out of nothing. During those few occasions I was able to look at myself in the mirror, I didn't see a problem. I was off on my first outing with my son. He need a quick visit to his pediatrician to check his weight gain. While at the doctor, my big-mouthed mother asked the pediatrician to look at my swollen ankles. He immediately got concerned and asked that I call my doctor right aways. Darn!!! I thought I was doing so well. My mother immediately calls my doctor when we get out to the car and explains what's going on and she was told to bring me to the hospital immediately. Then she proceeds to call my husband, who then rushes to the hospital to meet me.
*SIGH* After about an hour, I convince my mother to go home with the baby. After about four hours, I was able to slowly convince my husband that my mother was just over-reacting and that she explained it all wrong to my doctor (making it sound worse than it was). He reluctantly agreed and began walking me out the front door. About that time, the nurse calls be back. Darn, so close! Once they took my vitals, I was immediately put on oxygen and iv meds administered to reduce my blood pressure. Hmm, it must have been serious after all.
I was admitted into the hospital with pre-eclampsia. Isn't the cure for pre-eclampsia to deliver your baby? What are the odds that you can get this when you already had your baby? Apparently, I won that lottery. Around 4 am that morning, I woke my husband up to tell him that I couldn't breathe. He ignored me and said that I was probably just not used to having to sleep on my back. ***Thanks for your concern*** When the nurse came in a few moments later, I told her I felt like I couldn't breathe. She then took my pulse ox, which was extremely low given the fact that I was still on oxygen from that afternoon. This was not a good sign. Lights came on and my doctor was called. More tests revealed that fluid had began forming around my lungs. More Lascaux was prescribed. This went on for about 3 days before finally I was able to be released from the hospital.
You can't imagine how I felt seeing my little guy. I felt like he had grown so much those few days away from him. I vowed then and there that I would never leave him again. And if for some reason I may be put in the hospital again, someone would bring me my child.
Gotta start somewhere
Well, I finally did it! I got up the nerve to start my first blog ever. I guess the logical place to start is to first you a little about myself and my journey.
My husband and I met in high school at age 15. After graduating college, we got married. During our many years of courtship, we agreed that we would have a very large family (about 4-6 children). Although I was diagnosed with PCOS at age 14, I really thought there would be no problem with our goal. It appeared that my family was very fertile (paternal grandmother had 4 children and maternal grandmother had 6). So, after the honeymoon, we decided to start what I like to call "the preparation phase." In this phase, you must accomplish several goals.
1) Get the HAY out of your parent's pool house apartment and move into a place of your own.
2)Get a job!!! Yes, this step should be first as it will assist you in completing step 1. When we got married, we both had jobs that had absolutely nothing to do with our chose career path. We just needed something to get us through.
3) Lose some weight and get healthier. Who couldn't stand to loose a few pounds? Anyone heard of the college 20?
4) Start saving. I heard babies aren't cheap.
We anticipated that phase would last about 2-3 years. Basically, my dear husband, Joshua, wanted to wait until all of our "ducks" were in a row. As I look back at this list, I realize how naive I was back then. I just knew everything was going to work out great. *sigh*
Anywho, things were falling into place with our plan, I got a terrific job about eight months after graduation/wedding. Joshua had to go back and finish some courses for his bachelor's degree. However, we were still able to save for a home of our own. About two years into our plan, my cycles were not regular at all although I was on the pill. So off to the ob/gyn's office I went. After a slew of blood work, my doctor told me that my insulin levels were too high and that I was insulin resistant. In addition, he asked if we were planning on having any children. Of course I told him yes, but we had a plan. Muffling a giggle, my doctor said that based on my age (not quite 30, but almost there), and my lab results, we should definitely think about having a baby sooner than later. This of course made me extremely nervous. My doctor advised one more cycle with the pill and that I start 500 mg of metaformin a day. When I got home, I spoke with Joshua about what the doctor had said. Although hesitant, he agreed that we should start trying.
With the fact that our phase one plan was not yet complete, we put it into overdrive. We began searching for a place of our own. About two weeks later, we found an awesome two story home, 5 bedrooms 3 1/2 baths. It was in our price range (HUD home) and in a really great neighborhood. It didn't take long and we made an offer on the house and of course it was excepted. Terrific, everything was lining up perfectly. Being raised in a Christian home, I just knew that God had made everything work out. We closed on our house in July 2005 and began moving in August 28, 2005. I don't know if I mentioned it, but I am from Louisiana. Can you guess what hit southern Louisiana on August 29, 2005??? Yep, you got it, Hurricane Katrina. That experience is blog all by itself and I will dish about that later. Anyway, as you might have guessed, our house was devastated by the storm. 30 large pine trees came through my two story house, which was now a one story. Lucky my husband nor I were there when it happened. I used that fact as my saving grace. The Lord allowed my husband, myself, and our whole family to be safe. No one was injured or lost their life. We were truly blessed that day.
Of course, because our area was completely devastated, my doctor's office was closed for a few months. In addition, I had to have surgery to remove a kidney stone. **Hint this stone could be the reason why me and my whole family were not at our houses when the hurricane hit. ~Again, I will blog about that later.*** So, baby making plans were put on hold for the time being. Naturally, when you want something more than anything else in the world, but you can't just have it like you planned; someone else will get that something just place in their lap. My sister-in-law announced that she was pregnant about two weeks after the hurricane hit. GRRRR.
Finally, my doctor's office reopened and I set up my official "We're ready to make a baby" appointment. More bloodwork was done and my doctor uped my metaformin to 1000 mg a day. In addition, he put me on 50 mg of clomid for cycle days 5-10. We went through about 3 cycles of this and then my doctor wanted me to stop for 3 cycles. I was put on the pill while we waited for me to regulate again. During this time, I concentrated on rebuilding our home. No stress there, right? Then, round 2. My metaformin was increased to 1500 mg a day and clomid 100 mg. 3 more cycles. Of course during this time, my work had me stationed in Alabama while we transitioned to a new contract. Although it took 8 hours of driving, I would go home every chance I got. Especially during those "code red" days.
After 3 cycles still no luck. I now began having reactions to the medication. I dare not touch anything with carbs in it as it would make me violently ill. Also, the clomid began to blur my vision and I was having hot flashes like a menopausal woman. I expressed my concern to my doctor and he stated that we had a few choices. One of which was just to back off of all the medication for a few cycles to give my body a break. In addition, I should start looking into moving to the next step of fertility treatments. IUI or IVF. At this point, I dove into researching infertility options. What the procedures entailed. How much it would cost. The downtime between procedures. The chances it would work. My doctor sent me home with pamphlets on the process. How I was going to have to give myself the HcG shot. How to adminster the shot. Geez. Did they know how queezy I get around needles?
Well, it turns out I didn't need any of that. Although we were completely prepared to go the IUI route. I got pregnant without the aid of medications. No clomid, no progesterone, no metaformin. It was just good ole fashion prayer and spontaneous "code red." I couldn't believe it.
And thus started my journey into mommyhood.
My husband and I met in high school at age 15. After graduating college, we got married. During our many years of courtship, we agreed that we would have a very large family (about 4-6 children). Although I was diagnosed with PCOS at age 14, I really thought there would be no problem with our goal. It appeared that my family was very fertile (paternal grandmother had 4 children and maternal grandmother had 6). So, after the honeymoon, we decided to start what I like to call "the preparation phase." In this phase, you must accomplish several goals.
1) Get the HAY out of your parent's pool house apartment and move into a place of your own.
2)Get a job!!! Yes, this step should be first as it will assist you in completing step 1. When we got married, we both had jobs that had absolutely nothing to do with our chose career path. We just needed something to get us through.
3) Lose some weight and get healthier. Who couldn't stand to loose a few pounds? Anyone heard of the college 20?
4) Start saving. I heard babies aren't cheap.
We anticipated that phase would last about 2-3 years. Basically, my dear husband, Joshua, wanted to wait until all of our "ducks" were in a row. As I look back at this list, I realize how naive I was back then. I just knew everything was going to work out great. *sigh*
Anywho, things were falling into place with our plan, I got a terrific job about eight months after graduation/wedding. Joshua had to go back and finish some courses for his bachelor's degree. However, we were still able to save for a home of our own. About two years into our plan, my cycles were not regular at all although I was on the pill. So off to the ob/gyn's office I went. After a slew of blood work, my doctor told me that my insulin levels were too high and that I was insulin resistant. In addition, he asked if we were planning on having any children. Of course I told him yes, but we had a plan. Muffling a giggle, my doctor said that based on my age (not quite 30, but almost there), and my lab results, we should definitely think about having a baby sooner than later. This of course made me extremely nervous. My doctor advised one more cycle with the pill and that I start 500 mg of metaformin a day. When I got home, I spoke with Joshua about what the doctor had said. Although hesitant, he agreed that we should start trying.
With the fact that our phase one plan was not yet complete, we put it into overdrive. We began searching for a place of our own. About two weeks later, we found an awesome two story home, 5 bedrooms 3 1/2 baths. It was in our price range (HUD home) and in a really great neighborhood. It didn't take long and we made an offer on the house and of course it was excepted. Terrific, everything was lining up perfectly. Being raised in a Christian home, I just knew that God had made everything work out. We closed on our house in July 2005 and began moving in August 28, 2005. I don't know if I mentioned it, but I am from Louisiana. Can you guess what hit southern Louisiana on August 29, 2005??? Yep, you got it, Hurricane Katrina. That experience is blog all by itself and I will dish about that later. Anyway, as you might have guessed, our house was devastated by the storm. 30 large pine trees came through my two story house, which was now a one story. Lucky my husband nor I were there when it happened. I used that fact as my saving grace. The Lord allowed my husband, myself, and our whole family to be safe. No one was injured or lost their life. We were truly blessed that day.
Of course, because our area was completely devastated, my doctor's office was closed for a few months. In addition, I had to have surgery to remove a kidney stone. **Hint this stone could be the reason why me and my whole family were not at our houses when the hurricane hit. ~Again, I will blog about that later.*** So, baby making plans were put on hold for the time being. Naturally, when you want something more than anything else in the world, but you can't just have it like you planned; someone else will get that something just place in their lap. My sister-in-law announced that she was pregnant about two weeks after the hurricane hit. GRRRR.
Finally, my doctor's office reopened and I set up my official "We're ready to make a baby" appointment. More bloodwork was done and my doctor uped my metaformin to 1000 mg a day. In addition, he put me on 50 mg of clomid for cycle days 5-10. We went through about 3 cycles of this and then my doctor wanted me to stop for 3 cycles. I was put on the pill while we waited for me to regulate again. During this time, I concentrated on rebuilding our home. No stress there, right? Then, round 2. My metaformin was increased to 1500 mg a day and clomid 100 mg. 3 more cycles. Of course during this time, my work had me stationed in Alabama while we transitioned to a new contract. Although it took 8 hours of driving, I would go home every chance I got. Especially during those "code red" days.
After 3 cycles still no luck. I now began having reactions to the medication. I dare not touch anything with carbs in it as it would make me violently ill. Also, the clomid began to blur my vision and I was having hot flashes like a menopausal woman. I expressed my concern to my doctor and he stated that we had a few choices. One of which was just to back off of all the medication for a few cycles to give my body a break. In addition, I should start looking into moving to the next step of fertility treatments. IUI or IVF. At this point, I dove into researching infertility options. What the procedures entailed. How much it would cost. The downtime between procedures. The chances it would work. My doctor sent me home with pamphlets on the process. How I was going to have to give myself the HcG shot. How to adminster the shot. Geez. Did they know how queezy I get around needles?
Well, it turns out I didn't need any of that. Although we were completely prepared to go the IUI route. I got pregnant without the aid of medications. No clomid, no progesterone, no metaformin. It was just good ole fashion prayer and spontaneous "code red." I couldn't believe it.
And thus started my journey into mommyhood.
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