Angel Baby #3

On May 13, 2011, we found out we were pregnant with our fifth baby. As much as I tried, I could not keep my excitement at bay. Josh was so excited. Tests results revealed I was approximately 7 weeks along. As with my other babies, I dreamed of my baby. I saw him clear as day. A curly, blond hair, green eyed boy running in the back yard with my other children, even the ones I lost. I knew we would call him Matthew Shawn.

As the days progressed, I began to cramp and knew in my heart it was not meant to be. At a late night meeting on May 18, 2011, I began to cramp and bleed. By the following morning, Josh decided it was time to bring me to the hospital where the ER confirmed my worst fears.

Updates

A year has gone by and there have been many changes in my little family. Alexis will be turning 2 in a few short weeks. After a brief ordeal with fears that she was unable to walk, she proved us wrong and began to walk on her own sweet time. SJ is growing like a weed, but unfortunately it appears he will be short like his mom. Lexi is almost 2 years younger, but only an inch shorter. Poor little guy. Josh and I have both obtained new positions at different companies; moving up the corporate ladder if you will. We both are extremely happy and words can not describe our joy when we look at our little family. I do however have the occasional cry on the what could have been. From my previous post, you see that I should have had a 1 year old, 2 year old, and 4 year old by now. Had my second angel been born in July, I would have had a seven month old. I truly hope that one day I will see my little angels and in the meantime pray that the Lord would sit them on his knee and tell them about their mother.

In the past year, I have tried my best to remember my lost babies and pay tribute to them the best I can. In October, I attended a walk in rememberance of Oct. 15th rememberance day. I heard about the event from http://www.october15th.com/. The organizer, Tara Breaux, is a wonderful lady who lost her daughter in February 2010. She was so creative on the different ways to remember our babies and to take the steps they never had the chance to. I was blessed to have my sister, mother, and best friend to come along and support me during the walk.

Another Year

Dear First Unborn,
Today marks what would have potentially been your 1st birthday. My heart breaks a little more with every event you're not here for, today should be a special day, instead it's just a reminder that you're not here for it. I can't help but to think about the what ifs.

Please know that I will always love you and you are always on my mind.

Love Mommy.